McDonald’s has their 20 piece chicken nuggets on the 2 for $3 menu right now. You’re supposed to mix and match items, but there’s nothing stopping you from getting 2 orders of them for $3. Which means, for the low, low price of $9.63, I just got 120 chicken nuggets. The lady asked me three times if I was sure I wanted that many, and then when I rolled up to the window, she looked in my backseat like she expected to see four kids there, but it was just me. I took my 120 chicken nuggets home and ate them all, and I gotta say, this is what life is all about.
Aries: If you betray us again, I have enough dirt on you to destroy your career. And I love you, too.
Taurus: I could kill for some ice cream.
Gemini: I'm so... bored.
Cancer: I'm just here for my kids and I'm sorry that I ruined the play with my drinking.
Leo: This girl looks nothing like me. Like, first of all, my tits are way bigger, and secondly, even if you could drag a comb through that hair, she's like a 7 on a good day and I've been told I'm a 10.
Virgo: I've been self-aware since I was a child.
Libra: I can handle it. Don't be a bitch.
Scorpio: You know, my security concerns, they're not jealousy. I'm French. We enjoy lovers.
Sagittarius: I just want to make, like, crazy science with you.
Capricorn: Whenever somebody talks about the future, I always say 'Show, don't tell.’
Aquarius: Da Vinci robbed graves to study anatomy. In a hundred years, they'll call me a pioneer.
Pisces: No, I'm not fine. Why do weird things keep happening to me?
A thousand live bats fluttered from the walls and ceiling while a thousand more swooped over the tables in low black clouds, making the candles in the pumpkins stutter.
